


Ever the same

by snarled_musings



Series: Songfic 'verse [5]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, emotional insecurity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 19:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarled_musings/pseuds/snarled_musings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's an acceptable risk and what's not? It all depends on what you stand to lose, or gain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ever the same

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of a companion-piece to "Shattered". I remembered the song and it was just so perfect for Finch. Just a short Finch-POV. There will be a third part of this as well. a series within the series, go me!
> 
> Inspired by "Ever the same" by Rob Thomas, a beautiful song!

He can't sleep, so he does what he's best at. He watches. And worries. He shouldn't have let the other man go. He knows it's been rough lately. Actually it's been relentless; he wonders if he really knew what he took on when he started this quest. But he can't stop, he can't back down now. So he soldiers on, with his friend by his side. His sidekick, except he's so much more than that. He can't express in words what Reese is, those words would just overwhelm him. Be a burden. So he keeps those unspoken words close to his heart, and if they sometimes bleed through in his actions he tries to smooth it over. Except he knows he can't stay inert like this. Not now. Not when he'd seen that look in Reese's eyes. He watches Reese through the camera, sees him lean forward in the pouring rain to hide his face. His heart wrenches. His friend's been on the edge. He can always tell, the way he gets a hollow look, like his skin is stretched too thin across his bones. He had that look as he left, his eyes haunted. Why is he just sitting there? Suddenly he's not sure which one of them he's meaning. But _he_ can't just sit here. No matter how big a fool he makes of himself. He has to do something. Fear tightens in his gut. It'll be a fine line to balance. Give support, care without showing too much. Without giving himself away. Somehow he imagines that his friend already knows. Not much passes by him. But nothing's ever been said, so it remains his secret. He looks at the screen again. Reese is still sitting there. His chest hurt at the sight, the sharp pain of helplessness. In determination he gets on his feet, grabs an umbrella and gets into his car.

 

The drive is terrifying. He has aeons to wonder if he does the right thing. Maybe John just wants to be left alone. Because it's John sitting in the rain, not Reese. In his mind there's a clear distinction between the two, almost like they're separate persons. Reese is goal-oriented, fierce, determined, ironic and closed off. John is softer, allows smiles and jokes to escape. Allows himself friendly touches. He loves both sides. How could he not? They're two sides of the same coin. Sometimes one bleed into the other, and still he always knows if John or Reese is in control. It's so easy to see. He knows that he'll find John, just not the John he's used to. He curses himself silently; he should have seen how hard John pushes himself. He should have seen the signs and held him back, lightened the load. But when John lets Reese take over it's just so easy to do the same, to follow him. Not that it matters which side he sees, he'd follow him anywhere, anyway. He gets out of the car, walks over to John. Says his name. He has to repeat it twice before he gets a reaction. It's just not what he expected.

 

_We were drawn from the weeds, we were brave like soldiers, falling down under the pale moonlight. You were holding to me like someone broken and I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now_

 

He's speechless as John _clings_ to him. Fear washes through him. He's broken down completely, and it's all his fault. His fault for pushing, for pressing him, for dragging him into his own affairs in the first place. For being selfish, for wanting John close. He opens his mouth to say something, and his voice hitches on something suspiciously close to a sob. So he closes his mouth again, opting for tangling his fingers in John's soft hair. It's drenched, wet silk under his hands and his heart stutters in his chest. As he gently pets John the taller man burrows into him, burying his face against his hip. His shoulders shake; his chest heave. Harold's chest aches in sympathy and his eyes burn. He understands that now is not the time to hold himself back. He needs to give his emotions, need to show how much he cares. Need to show that he can be trusted with this, no matter what he gives up of himself. It scares him half to death.

 

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart, just let me hold you and we'll both fall down_

 

_Fall on me, tell me everything you want me to be_

_forever with you, forever in me, ever the same_

 

When he feels the shuddering slow he takes a deep breath. Everything he is has been leading up to this moment, it feels like. He's close to shaking as well, feeling out of control. Steeling himself he closes his eyes for a second before giving John's hair a gentle tug. Reluctantly the younger man lifts his head to meet his eyes. Harold freezes for a second, unable to move. John's so incredibly... beautiful. He lets it fill his eyes, lays all his emotions bare on his face. He wants this moment to last forever; a mental snapshot he'll be able to take out and cherish. It exhilarates him, scares him. But this isn't about him. This is about something much more important than him. He really should say something, but words elude him. He's drawing a complete blank.

 

”I- I'm-” Suddenly he knows this isn't the right place for this. John's soaked, shivering with cold. They need to get inside, sooner rather than later. Besides, part of him is afraid of what John was about to say. There's a softness to his eyes that's never been there when he's looked at him before; Harold hopes that's a good thing. But he could be deluding himself. He shakes his head slightly.

 

”John, _I know_. You don't need to say anything.” He watches John's face sort of crumble. The relief he gives off is almost tangible. Not that they don't have to talk about this, but not here, not now. Not when John's shaking like this.

 

_We would stand in the wind, we were free like water, flowing down under the warmth of the sun_

_Now it's cold and we're scared and we've both been shaken_

_hey, look at us man, this doesn't need to be the end_

 

“Let's go home.” Before he says the words he wonders what he means by them. He's not sure where he wants them to go. John just looks at him and Harold wants to give him the world. There's nothing he wouldn't do for this man.

 

_Just let me hold you while you're falling apart, just let me hold you and we'll both fall down_

 

_Fall on me, tell me everything you want me to be_

_forever with you, forever in me, ever the same_

_call on me, I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me_

_forever it's you, forever in me, ever the same_

 

It's not even a conscious decision on his part. He's decided he'd do anything, the least he can do is bring John to his home. He turns left, expects the questioning to start, but the other man is quiet. It sets him on edge, throws him a bit. He glances at John. His cheeks are wet. It might be the rain dripping from his hair, it might be tears. He doesn't really care, all that matters is the insecurity and sadness that's etched on his face. Whatever moment they shared before seems to have evaporated. It makes him sad as well. Those emotions don't sit well on John's face, he just wants to erase them. Instinctively he reaches out and puts a hand on his thigh. The muscle under his hand stiffens. He risks a glance to the side. John's staring down on his hand, clearly unsure about what to do.

 

_You may need me there to carry all your weight, but you're no burden I assure_

_You tide me over with a warmth I'll not forget, but I can only give you love_

 

It's his move, he realizes. John's already showed his hand, bared himself. He shifts his hand, seeks out John's. Tangle their fingers. He can hear the small, choked sound John makes as he raises their joined hands to his lips, presses a gentle kiss to John's knuckles.

 

”Ask me anything. I'll answer any question, give you anything. All that matters to me is that you're happy.”

 

_Fall on me, tell me everything you want me to be_

_forever with you, forever in me, ever the same_

_call on me, I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me_

_forever it's you, forever in me, ever the same_

 

The disbelief is still there, but he watches it get pushed aside by hope and his heart threatens to burst from pure joy.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
